


Truths are Like Lies, We Tell Ourselves Over and Over.

by Flirty_Banana



Category: Original Work, True Story - Fandom
Genre: Abuse, Based on a True Story, Child Abuse, Dark, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Original Character(s), Original work - Freeform, Other, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Past Sexual Abuse, Potential trigger warning, Self-Hatred, Suggestive Themes, Triggers, Verbal Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-22
Updated: 2019-04-22
Packaged: 2020-01-23 20:05:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18556885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flirty_Banana/pseuds/Flirty_Banana
Summary: When he dies she will sing like the most beautiful song bird.When he is gone she will dance upon his grave.She will mourn her mother, perhaps not for long, but her heart will hurt for her.She will mourn for the love she always yearned for, she will cry for what smidgeon of happiness the pain could not blur out.When she dies, she will make sure there will be no one to cry for her.She is tired of hurting so many people.***This work is based on a true story***





	Truths are Like Lies, We Tell Ourselves Over and Over.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my second complete work, and while I am ecstatic to have finished it there is also a sombre and scared feeling over me. As I've said in the summary, and tags this work is a true story. I have not named any names, and any similarities to anyone's experiences is only coincidence. 
> 
> Please know I have not violated ANYONES privacy or anything like that, this work was written and published with 100% consent I promise.

Her first memory was of her mother. Her mother as she pinned her up against the kitchen wall, as she screamed abuse at her.

Her first memory was of learning.

Learning that she was nothing. That she was worthless, useless, selfish, and horrible. That she was stupid, and idiotic, and nothing. That she was nothing, nobody, and she would never be anybody, she would never go anywhere with her life.

Her life is worthless.

That no one cared, has ever cared, or ever will. She learned what hatred truly was that day. She could see it in her mothers eyes. Hear it in her voice. She was three.

___________________

She carried that memory with her wherever she went. Subconsciously she played it, over and over again. The words echoed through her mind, for an eternity, and eventually she simply became deaf to it.

It was like it never even existed.

But, hidden inside, it tears her apart.

_______________________

She is a horrible person. She is a horrible person, nasty, and selfish, and ugly, and hate filled, and spoiled rotten to the core.

She is always angry, she does not know why, but it’s so easy to dismiss, to forget.

Sometimes the anger takes a bit longer to disappear. She is always so sad after, so sad she almost cries.

But she does not care, she simply forgets it.

Disregards it, so it goes away.

And she goes back to the nasty, horrible person she always has been, and always will be. Nasty, hated, alone, spoiled, rotten, stupid, friendless, hate filled, liar, monster.

Devoid of love.

Undeserving of love, so why should she care?

_______________________

Everyone hates her, but why would she think different?

No one cares, no has ever cared, and no one ever will. So why should she care about them.

She came into this world alone, she has existed alone, she will die alone.

There would never be anyone to protect her, but herself.

And she’d be damned if she was stupid enough to let these people hurt her.

Nasty words fueled her hatred. Her anger grew. Her sadness fell obediently into its shadow, casting itself feet, when the fire grew inches.

She does not care, why should she.

She prefers the anger.

So she pushed it to the front. Always.

____________________

Year pass, and she continues her lonely path.

But as she grows older, she rationalizes.

Her mother hates her, but can you really blame her?

She is wretched and unkind, and twisted, and spoiled, and rotten, a little monster that broke everything it touched.

She ruined the happy family of three when she came into this world, she caused her sibling pain their whole life.

Turned the father against the first born, turned the husband against the wife.

Who wouldn’t despise her? Who wouldn’t want her gone?

Her mother hates her, but she does not blame her.

Just because you created something, doesn’t mean you have to love it.

She does not care.

_____________________

She found her first friend, a miracle given how retched she is, she is a blonde, rambunctious girl.

Filled with life, and happiness, and joy.

She has a family that is all connected, she does not break everything she touches. She is the opposite of her. She likes her a lot.

They move states a few years later. She never hears from her again.

____________________

She’s found another friend, this one more permanent, eight years and counting.

She can tell her secrets, and encourage her with her puppy love.

But she makes a mistake. She lets her anger show, just the tiniest sliver, just the littlest hint.

She almost infects her most precious person with her hatred.

Her mother screams at her for hours, she learns something new that day.

She is toxic. Toxic like a disease.

_________________

She is ignorant when her friend leaves her, joining the popular girls, and spreading nasty rumors.

She is too caught up in her friend, too enamored in her to see the truth. When she finally does see, she continues on. Alone, just as always.

She does not care.

Her anger will not grow, she is happy to have had a friend again.

If only for a little while.

_______________

It is barely months after her friend leaves, that her anger grows by miles.

That they are finally given a name, and a voice of their own.

Her father is the cause, he come into her room to kiss her goodnight as always.

His lips are like cold slime.

His touches like fire.

His hands are cold, and clammy, and sweaty.

She is enraged. She can not do anything, she is not safe, she never has been, and she never will be.

She claws at her skin until she bleeds.

And for the first time since her creation, she yearns for someone to hold her, to love her, to take the tears away, to hide the pain, to tell her it will all be okay.

She yearns, she speaks into the darkness of her mind. Tears drenching her face, as she asks “Why?”

Why can’t I be loved

Why can’t I be useful

Why can’t I be worth something, to someone. Anyone

Will no one ever help me

Why does no one care

The darkness hears her. The fires of hatred, and anger, and the darkness inside of her twist and dance together. And someone moves, in the back of her mind someone speaks back to her.

**I Will Always Love You.**

She will now be forever protected. The shadow of sadness, and the echoes of pain meld together and bubble to life.

**. . .**

She will never have to feel such pain again. She will never have to be sad or lonely or hurt or betrayed again.

She is numb.

She does not care.

______________

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**But We Do.**

And so she cares, only for them.

They are her only light.

She does not feel. She is numb.

______________

She could have had it worse.

She is embarrassed by her pain.

She wishes to suffer.

So she can justify her tears.

______________

She found the rare few that could put up with her, that seemed to like her. So she became what they perceived of her.

She loved them, but she would never let them in, they would never hurt her.

But she would protect them, she would be loyal to them, she would ensure they felt love, they felt cared for.

She would always be understanding, she would always listen, she would always say the right thing, she would comfort, and protect, and love, and cherish.

They would never feel the coldness, that is life.

They would never be devoid of love.

They would never be twisted, and wretched, like her.

She would be the best friend she could be, even if she would forever have to keep her heart sealed. Forever and always.

___________

She does not care for them, not truly.

But as long as they stay happy, she is perfectly content with that.

Her heart is already filled with others. Others that won’t hurt her, that won’t leave, that won’t become infected by her toxic nature.

They tell her she is not horrible.

She does not believe them.

**We Know.**

__________

She is always confused.

Her mother, and the father are contradictory.

They say they want the best for her, then scream she is worthless.

They profess their love for her, then drive the knives deeper into her heart.

Mother says she does everything for her, but all she does is glare.

He says you should love him, but his definition of it makes her want to puke her intestines out.

They scream if she emotes, they scream when she just doesn’t care anymore.

They call her silly when her heart tears to pieces, they laugh in her face when she is so enraged it physically hurts.

Her very being is threadbare.

She stopped caring when she learned her first lesson.

Now she is too tired to feel anything at all.

She is numb.

She is so very thankful

**Of Course, What are friends for?**

**We Love You.**

_____________

She thought they could finally get along.

She thought, as long as she just didn’t care, as long as she was detached.

Her mother could be kind to her.

She is wrong.

She has learned her last lesson by her mother.

She is truly worthless to her, her mother would always choose another over her children.

She would always choose the husband.

She would forever stand by the father.

She thought she wasn’t a moron, but she is.

Her mother never loved her.

_____________

When he dies she will sing like the most beautiful song bird.

When he is gone she will dance upon his grave.

She will mourn her mother, perhaps not for long, but her heart will hurt for her.

She will mourn for the love she always yearned for, she will cry for what smidgeon of happiness the pain could not blur out.

When she dies, she will make sure there will be no one to cry for her.

She is tired of hurting so many people.

 

~end

**Author's Note:**

> DONT FREAK OUT. Of course the proper authorities have been informed, and many steps have been taken towards betterment. So action is being taken against the awfulness in this work. This is more a written account of the feelings, happenings, circumstances, and thoughts during all the awfulness. 
> 
> This work really means a lot to me, and is very close to home. I hope you enjoyed reading this, and maybe learned something from it. idk what, but I hope so. Yes this work has an unhappy ending, however it is still a work in progress irl even as you read this and irl it is already looking up and is slowly being filled with more and more happiness.
> 
> As a side note I will most likely not be publishing a sequel to this, however, I would be happy to explain, or elaborate on anything if anyone really wants that. (And, of course, if I have permission)


End file.
